The big reset

I was writing in my journal the other day and this phrase left my pencil seemingly out of nowhere: The illusion of efficiency is over.

I had to stop for a minute and think about what that meant, and here's where I landed: We can’t fool ourselves anymore, we can't rely on anyone else to create the lives we want to live. It's on us.

We can’t optimize our lives to fit the system when there is no system. Habits — great as they can be — can't numb us to that nagging feeling many of us had for a while: That we were trying to fit into a box someone else left out for us.

Now that the box is gone, it's time to create your own system, ready or not.

There are no schedules. Everything is tentative. (But honestly, wasn’t it always?)

There’s good to be found: No one’s looking, ready to criticize you.  

As great as that is, it’s uncomfortable, because the search for outside validation is a hard habit to break.

How will you live when no one is watching?

This is a reset, and even when we’re all granted the same space, the same timeline, letting go of old habits and routines is scary. 

It’s always taken courage to live your life, but now we’re all having to figure out what that means at the same time. 

Give yourself a break. We’re living through trauma.

Listen to yourself. Explore your imagination. Indulge your eccentricities. Rest when you need it. 

It’s time for a reset, and it's going to take some time. 

Here's a spell for you 🔮

Words have power. Wield them wisely.

Friend,

Words are magic. 

My fellow writers know this. With words, we have the ability to create worlds, to travel through time and space - and we can take others with us. It's powerful and it's intoxicating.

But you don’t have to be a Writer to know this - you just have to be a person who thinks. We all think in words.

One word can change someone’s day...and most of the time, that person is you.

Every time you think, you're using that magical power on yourself. Wield your magic wisely.

Just like some thoughts can fence you in, others have the power to push you forward. It's like magic. The key is recognizing what scripts you've been relying on so far, and being ready with the words to replace them.

We ALL think negative and limiting thoughts at times. It's human. But the limiting thoughts that have the biggest power on each of us are as unique as our experiences and our dreams.

It would be impossible to prevent negative thoughts from ever darkening your soul, but you can recognize the ones that keep coming back, the ones that are stopping you from doing your thing AND you can be ready with a replacement thought that works for you.

Today, I want you to write down the negative thoughts that haunt you (we all have them!) and write and underline the ones that you will replace them with.

With practice the old spells will lose their power and your new chosen words will guide you. I promise!

SAMPLE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND THE NEW SPELLS

• I hate when I mess up --> I'm glad to get these mistakes out of the way.

• I want to quit --> If I quit now, I'll never find out how this ends.

• This is too hard --> It'll get easier with practice.

Yes, I know this feels hokey and silly. But try it anyways — I think you should have some fun with it, 

Roxsar

PS: Since I started talking about magic, I'd be remiss if I didn't offer you a magic word to help.  That magic word is YET.

"I can't sing...YET."

"I'm not as successful as I'd hoped...YET."

Try it. It's a one word spell that works wonders.

Let's talk about garbage

Today is a good day to discuss garbage art. (Please don't delete this email, at least not yet!) I know that sounds a bit odd, so let's just say that it's good day to talk about my habit of doing seemingly pointless things, like making collages, and how they translate to not just my well-being but also to profitable business.  

Collages? 

Yes, collages. Like this one:

Ridiculous, right? 

What am I, 10 years old? Well, that's the point. 

The other day I was cleaning out closets and collected old packaging and magazines to throw away, like the responsible quarantined grown up that I am. 

But I didn't. 

Instead, my inner ten year old took over (thank goodness!) and invited my actual ten year old son to spend an hour playing with scissors and glue sticks and recyclables. 

Making collages is fun. But they also feed my creativity in other ways.

I love the idea of making something new out of the old. The past is never wasted.

Perhaps you find that gluing junk mail is interesting, but isn't for you.

But I urge you to find your own creative outlet. You never have to share it with anyone. Experiment with different things until you find what lights you up. Perhaps you discover that what you love color or poetry or dance. I don't know, and it really doesn't matter. 

Making art for art's sake forces you to pay attention to the world, and in doing so, you will find a new way of doing things. That is priceless. 

Let’s talk about the relentless pressure to make everything a business: Maybe there's a business there, maybe there isn't. But the point is to take time away from work, give your brain a break and let your heart take over. When the time is right, your silly art that no one has to know about will pay off: You might come up with a new product, a new way of thinking, or simply refreshed and ready to take on the day.

Oh, and for the record, while I I made this my son made a collage that included toilets, monkeys, and cats. It's awesome. Everyone’s mind works differently. I don't judge. 

Go have fun with your ridiculous garbage,

Here's lots of ideas so you'll never run out of ideas...

Do you become paralyzed when it's time to come up with an idea?

If you do, I'm here to help — coming up with ideas is one of my favorite things to do! It's fun, but also extremely profitable.

(Let's be honest here: Life isn't just about money, but if being more creative will both save and make you money while you have fun, then it really is an important skill to nurture. So why not start today?
 

Here are some of my best tips for idea generation. I hope some of them resonate with you!

Make the Time: If‌ ‌you‌ ‌want‌ ‌to‌ ‌have‌ ‌a‌ ‌lot‌ ‌of‌ ‌great‌ ‌ideas,‌ ‌you‌ ‌need‌ ‌to‌ ‌structure‌  ‌time‌ ‌into‌ ‌your‌ ‌life‌ ‌to‌ ‌come up with ‌them.‌ I prefer doing this daily, but if you think you don't have time to daydream try blocking one hour a week, and then use the time to think of new things. It's much more pleasant than the time you have to schedule to balance your checkbook. 

Surround‌ ‌yourself‌ ‌with‌ ‌many‌ ‌different‌ ‌influences: Experiences‌ ‌are‌ ‌raw‌ ‌material‌ ‌for‌ ‌your‌ ‌idea brain‌. Read. Try different things. Take classes. Make a fool of yourself. Go out there and live.

Embrace discomfort: So here's a little secret...Creativity‌ ‌dies‌ ‌in‌ ‌complacency.‌ ‌Comfort‌ ‌kills‌ ‌ideas.‌ ​​​​​​​As‌ ‌counterintuitive‌ ‌as‌ ‌it‌ ‌seems,‌ ‌discomfort‌ ‌makes‌ ‌it‌ ‌easier to be creative. (It makes sense if you think about it. If everything is easy for you, why would you need or want anything new?)

Don't hoard your ideas: You‌ ‌are‌ ‌a‌ ‌fountain,‌ ‌a‌ ‌generator‌ ‌of‌ ‌ideas.‌ ‌You‌ ‌are‌ ‌not‌ ‌one‌ ‌idea.‌ ‌If you silence‌ ‌your‌ ‌creativity ‌because you're worried ‌that‌ ‌others‌ ‌will ‌steal your ideas, what you're ultimately doing is robbing yourself!‌ ‌

Don't worry about what others think: I'm well aware that people love to talk shit behind each other's back (language! sorry, but it's true), but covering‌ ‌your‌ ‌mouth‌ ‌with‌ ‌your‌ ‌own‌ ‌hand‌ ‌before‌ ‌others‌ ‌do‌ ‌it‌ ‌for‌ ‌you just makes it more efficient for the haters doesn't it? Don't make it easy for those fools. Stay whole and let them choke. 

Remix: Ideas don't come out of thin air. New‌ ‌combinations‌ ‌create‌ extraordinary ideas.

Brainstorm on paper: I'm as lazy and tech-reliant as you are, but ‌computers‌ are a double-edged sword. I find the delete button so tempting, and end up ‌editing‌ ‌ideas‌ ‌before‌ ‌I even ‌have‌ ‌them. Let your ideas breathe on the page before you edit them! I usually write my idea babies long hand, with a pencil (gasp!) and then go back to my notebook and type up my notes a week later. (Yes, I also schedule time for this.)

Act! Dreaming is fine, but to be a creative problem solver you also need to act. Loosen yourself up to great ideas, but please do something with them too. 

Solving problems and creativity‌ is ‌the‌ ‌ability ‌to‌ ‌imagine‌ ‌what‌ ‌doesn’t‌ ‌exist‌ ‌yet — a real life accessible‌ ‌superpower. You can do it.

I can't wait to hear your ideas. I mean this! Please reply to this email and share any ideas you have thanks to my tips. They don't even have to make sense to me and it would make my day!

No. 23: The Liminal Space

Dear friend,

March 18th was the 11th Wednesday of 2020; it was also the first Wednesday of quarantine. That day I asked (rather innocently in hindsight) “How will you live when we emerge?”

So far, the answer is “we don’t know”; I don’t think we’ll know for a while.

I can’t predict how long we’ll be in the strange liminal space we’ve been living in since then, but there was no way I could have predicted the seismic changes we’ve been experiencing during that time. 

Liminal spaces are waiting spaces: You’ve left something behind you, but haven’t yet reached what’s next. We all experience liminality when we wake up and are in that space between sleep and wakefulness, when you don’t know what’s real and what’s a dream.  

Liminality isn’t always fleeting. Traveling is a liminal experience; so is graduation or that period between jobs. Immigrants live in the in-between (my experience as one is key to who I am) and there are tons of people who live in-between stages for a long time, if not forever. Of course, “in-between” is relative to where you live and what surrounds you. 

Liminal spaces are creative spaces. Liminality can be a delicious time, when we’re disoriented and unmoored and lead to new ways of thinking and freedom from the old. Liminality can be positive when those of us who don’t neatly fit into any category learn to observe, absorb, and then create and define our own path. It’s our super power. 

But this cocooning sounds misleadingly cozy. Let’s talk about the work that happens during cocooning in nature. 

Butterflies actually carry the hard shells that allow them to go into the liminal stage inside of them even before their change. The chrysalis isn’t outside protection, it’s been inside the caterpillar the whole time, just like we carry what we need to effect change inside of us all along. 

This shell isn’t just to keep the outside world out, it serves to hold the violent changes needed for real change in.  

Sam Anderson in the New York Times Magazine explains it this way:

“Terrible things happen in there: a campaign of grisly desolation that would put most horror movies to shame. What a caterpillar is doing, in its self–imposed quarantine, is basically digesting itself. It is using enzymes to reduce its body to goo, turning itself into a soup of ex-caterpillar — a nearly formless sludge oozing around a couple of leftover essential organs (tracheal tubes, gut).

Only after this near-total self-annihilation can the new growth begin... That’s how you get a butterfly: out of the horrid meltdown of a modest caterpillar.”

This stage we’re in, this liminality, is difficult because change is difficult. Usually we enter these in-between spaces as individuals. This worldwide cocooning is historic; it stands to reason that we weren’t all ready for it to happen at once. That’s the only part of it that’s new. 

Here’s to the work and the growth ahead.